Ready, Aim, and Off We Go

Out of the long tunnel of what that was. Chances to look at darkness and light, and the space in between. A gift and a whirlwind all at once. Letting me know that it is time for decision. There was a lot of fear before- and it is dissolving now.

I've known much of this knowledge all along. What I have lacked is the willingness to push through.

“The indispensable first step to getting the things you want out of life is this: Decide what you want.”




Although every man believes that his decisions and resolutions involve the most multifarious factors, in reality they are mere oscillation between flight and longing. ~Herman Broch

I have started practicing my personal journey again. There was distraction and there was mis-stepping. But which Hero's journey is not?

I have started my next phase: Caduceus & Sweat

Not so much a fan of the man, but

"You don't want to be the best of the best," said Grateful Dead guitarist Jerry Garcia. "You just want to be the onlyone who does what you do."



<>.:..:..:.<>

Paitence

Something I have lots of. But something I need to learn more of.

Lessons Lessons

....and always more lessons.

This world does spin so fast. I can only hope that my little monkey body is able to keep up with all this speed. I can only hope that my little monkey brain doesn't explode while attempting to comprehend.

What I do know is this: Some new phase is coming. And I am being prepared.

BooM

Today was a strange day. This month has been a strange month. This year has been a strange year.

Nothing is really what I thought it was going to be. Surprise. Or not.

I was looking at my horoscope today:
"Nobody thought it would go this way. You expected something more or something entirely different than what you've got and it's calling you to wonder if it would be best to depart before things get worse. Don't be upset with yourself for not being able to handle this; you didn't know it had strings attached. It doesn't matter if you stay or go. What matters right now are your motives; you may be better off going at this independently than you will be if you continue to have to adjust all of your behavior to please someone else, or your own sense of righteousness."

Of course- it's all mumbo-jumbo. But still. Always worth looking at to reflect upon.
If I take this into account within my own life. This could be talking about many things.

All I know is that I am propelled to go right now. I'm propelled to run, jump, and fly into something that is different than this. Because I want to Soar. And I know that leaping off the edge is the only way to really do it.

Boooooooooom. Then what happens after it all epxlodes?

How else do you do it?

And travelling through....

I am so amazed right now. I feel like I've been shot out of a long tunnel. Or at the very least like someone took off my "jaded POV' sunglasses.
I'm dusting myself off, and looking at the damage. There is nothing that has been broken beyond at least a moderate repair.
Wow. Wow. Wow. Humbling. Motivating. Stunning. The light is so bright now.


I had to go through a lot of shit to get here. I had to learn a lot of lessons. Lessons that I had to learn now, so that I maybe the person I want to be in the future.
I wonder if asking to be a hero, means we get more challenges early on?

I am up for it. This was a hard one. But I havn't backed down yet. No! No!


So much under the surface. I am just really seeing it for the first time.

And I am so happy that I have the chance.



How did I ever think I would get wise and old without fucking up along the way?