Thursday, July 31, 2008
Armor lilies and Razor Blades
There is something stirring inside my breast. It swells when the moon is high.
I am worried more about what is above than what is below.
We are all trying to find our way, and as far as I'm concerned there is only one way up.
Sometimes I worry that its all been an elaborate trick upon myself- and the worst part is, is that I've been the one whose done it all. I pretend like I dont care what others think of me, and to some extent i dont. But I know that where it really counts I do- and there is no way around that.
I know the secret to an enlightened state. The path is simple and obvious. It's trying to follow it. It's trying to be that person. That is where I falter, because in truth I do care how people see me. I want to fit in, it's not bad being popular. A great fear is being outcasted, and that is what I must do to get to that place that I say I want to be. A great fear is that maybe I could really, possibly be, someone who is special. Someone who can tap that light of the divine in them self. Because if I do have that light- then I am different, abnormal, one to be outcasted. The masses dont want to hear the good news, because it goes to opposite of their lifestyles.
I'm more afraid of the light inside of me then the dark. I think I can control the dark seas and tides, I can hold them back. But the light, it pours out, it streams out like from the cracks in dusty floorboards. What if we all have that light? Maybe we do. I am no more special than anyone else in this world, and I think I have it, therefor we all have it. But so few of us let it out.
[When did I become so shallow? When did fame become more attractive than glory?] - when I sold out to the world.
In a quest for right Intention I must look at my intentions in this world and strike out those I find to be un-pure.
This begs the question.
* Do I really want enlightenment?
* Can I handle the trials?
*Who do I want to be?